What happens when you search “New Items” on the Anthropologie website, then filter for highest priced item? You get this monstrosity, an iPod dock made from a hollowed out tree.
For $15,000 you can own a custom made iPod doc make from the corpse of a murdered spruce or maplewood tree. KMKG Studios in Austria produces these things, and no two are exactly alike.
Isn’t the whole point of an iPod dock portability? You buy an iPod dock so you can take it poolside or move it outside while you’re BBQing with friends. Not sure how easy it would be to move a gigantic tree from room to room, but I suppose if you want a challenge and have thousands of dollars in disposable income this thing’s for you.
Description: Founded in 1920 in the Basque Country of northern Spain, El Casco began as a manufacturer of revolvers but diversified into office supplies… blahblahblah…STAPLER. $335 (??????!!!!!?????)
EXSQUEEZE? 101 Gift Ideas? Good one, J.Crew! Good one. You should consider a career as a comedian. (This guy! AMIRIGHT?!)
Forgive our absence. We have no excuse other than being busy as fuck.
Having said that. We just couldn’t pass this one up.
Of all the things we have seen and posted about this takes ALL THE CAKES.
BEHOLD! YOKO ONO FASHIONS FOR MEN!
I just can’t.
The knee holes and the crotch hands and the open mesh shoulders? And…ANNNNDDDD the prices?? I just…hold on here is another pic, just because it’s too much.
BELL BOARD and LIGHTBULB BRA.
(Insert throwing computer on the ground, disapproving look about life and walking away.)
AND I’M DONE.
I was internetting today and saw this and just HAD to share it.
On the off chance that you were looking for a tent to pitch in the old back yard, you know for the kiddies or something, just thought I’d let you know that Anthro is always thinking of you and your summertime needs.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE!
BUMBUMDEEBUM! PRESENTING! The Altair Tent!!
Let’s see how they describe this lovely piece of “furniture.”
Description: Watch the sun rise and set from the breezy, wide-open veranda, or enjoy the great outdoors, weather regardless, from the starry, block-printed and mirror-embellished interior of this mesh-window canvas cottage. We’d put it poolside, beachside, or right-smack in the middle of a meadow. $8998.00
Dudes, if I had $9000 (why not just add the $2? I don’t get that) to spend on a tent I’d a) be balling out of control and probably on a private jet to somewhere-not-my-desk b) would have no reason to be blogging (re: balling out of control) and c) could probably just rent a circus for the day for all of my tent needs. What I wouldn’t be doing is buying a tent from Anthropologie ONLINE. Who does that?
And I wasn’t going to bring it up because it seems SO obvious, but really Anthro? The middle of the sea? REALLY? What kind of sense does that make? What is this, Inception? So stupes.
IN OTHER BREAKING NEWS…
Sad or glad?
It’s been awhile and we apologize…We’ve just been stuck watching Downton Abbey under a pile of puppies.
But here we go…with a nice big “Fuck You” to all the single ladies, from our dear friends at Anthropology.
SO. Apparently, if you’re single you should “treat yourself” and “shake up the notions of Valentine’s Day” this February 14th by doing the following:
1) Pour yourself a glass of Prosecco. Fine. Bubbles are fun and who doesn’t love a glass of Prosecco. So far, I’m on board.
2) Do NOT under any circumstances go bathing suit shopping. Why not? Maybe my fabulous self is going on a tropical getaway this spring and I NEED one. Why should I not try on a bathing suit? Is it because I haven’t lost all my holiday weight and am pasty from not being in the sun all winter? Geez. Way to make me feel shitty about something I wasn’t even thinking about. Thanks Anthropologie. You can be such an unaware bitch sometimes.
3) Add some color to your POUT (Yes, you can wear THAT shade). BECAUSE IF YOU ARE SINGLE YOU MUST BE POUTING AND INSECURE. Thanks for telling me what shade I can wear, assface.
4) Give your treadmill the day off. Fuck you for assuming that I exercise, first and foremost. And secondly, thank you for making me feel bad for either not exercising at all (and if that IS the case, then I’m reading this as if you’re a sarcastic asshole) or exercising too much (and if that IS the case, then I’m reading this as if you think I work out just to get a partner). So far, your list of me treating myself is really making me mad.
5) Go shopping. Because retail therapy is the only thing that will soothe the loneliness.I hate you so much right now, Anthropologie.
6) Splurge on some sparkle. If I’m depressed and left to my own devices on VDay I had better damn well SPLURGE on something grander than a $32 headband with rhinestones. Just sayin’. If you’re going to insult me with this shit Anthro at least give me some credit. OH WAIT, I forgot what this whole stupid thing was about. Single women don’t know what to do with themselves on a Hallmark holiday, which is why we’re here in the first place. My bad!
7) Put down Middlemarch and pick up a supermarket glossy. How. Dare. You. Anthropologie. You can be such a belittling shit from time to time. Why would I prefer US Weekly or OK! to Middlemarch or any other novel out there. I get the whole “guilty pleasure” thing, but its just such a douchebag thing to encourage.
8) (Saving the best for last…) Forget the stove, all you need is a pint of gelato and a spoon and dinner is complete! I can’t. I just can’t. After all the horrid things that came before…and now this?! This whole list is bloated with dated Cathy stereotypes and poor-me visions of single women on this commercial holiday. For a company who allegedly caters to successful women with a feminine sensibility and a penchant for florals and lace and ruffles, this seems like quite a slap in the face. I feel like I just took a time machine back and landed in Stepford hell.
What says you, dear FYA readers? Do you think this is cute and funny or fucking appalling?
(I’m going to go back to my happy place…See: Dowager Countess and puppies.)
Well FYA readers, you just never know when someone might turn over a new leaf and surprise the shit out of you. Today, friends, is that very day! Flipping through Anthro’s December catalog, I was scanning for a Round Two of absurdities a la the November debacle (read: $2200 rickshaw and $2000 for 5 books) and honestly…the best thing I could come up with were these candlesticks:
Description: An assortment of found knickknacks - including an antique porcelain owl and filigreed tin - stack tall to form Primitive Twig’s taper holder. The decorative elements vary from piece to piece; no two are alike. $398.
They’re pretty ugly and definitely not worth $398, but they’re no $2000 rickshaw. Truth be told, the December catalog felt really lazy. The styling seemed stale and boring and it was just kind of a snore.
I was surprised by two things…first being that overall, the catalog was slightly reasonable in price, SLIGHTLY. Second, being that I figured the December catalog would feature more festive holiday wares and baubles and spreads and there are literally NONE. It didn’t even seem particularly wintry. I’m not sure what it’s about, but I don’t like it.