22
Happy F*ing Valentine’s Day
It’s been awhile and we apologize…We’ve just been stuck watching Downton Abbey under a pile of puppies.
But here we go…with a nice big “Fuck You” to all the single ladies, from our dear friends at Anthropology.
SO. Apparently, if you’re single you should “treat yourself” and “shake up the notions of Valentine’s Day” this February 14th by doing the following:
1) Pour yourself a glass of Prosecco. Fine. Bubbles are fun and who doesn’t love a glass of Prosecco. So far, I’m on board.
2) Do NOT under any circumstances go bathing suit shopping. Why not? Maybe my fabulous self is going on a tropical getaway this spring and I NEED one. Why should I not try on a bathing suit? Is it because I haven’t lost all my holiday weight and am pasty from not being in the sun all winter? Geez. Way to make me feel shitty about something I wasn’t even thinking about. Thanks Anthropologie. You can be such an unaware bitch sometimes.
3) Add some color to your POUT (Yes, you can wear THAT shade). BECAUSE IF YOU ARE SINGLE YOU MUST BE POUTING AND INSECURE. Thanks for telling me what shade I can wear, assface.
4) Give your treadmill the day off. Fuck you for assuming that I exercise, first and foremost. And secondly, thank you for making me feel bad for either not exercising at all (and if that IS the case, then I’m reading this as if you’re a sarcastic asshole) or exercising too much (and if that IS the case, then I’m reading this as if you think I work out just to get a partner). So far, your list of me treating myself is really making me mad.
5) Go shopping. Because retail therapy is the only thing that will soothe the loneliness.I hate you so much right now, Anthropologie.
6) Splurge on some sparkle. If I’m depressed and left to my own devices on VDay I had better damn well SPLURGE on something grander than a $32 headband with rhinestones. Just sayin’. If you’re going to insult me with this shit Anthro at least give me some credit. OH WAIT, I forgot what this whole stupid thing was about. Single women don’t know what to do with themselves on a Hallmark holiday, which is why we’re here in the first place. My bad!
7) Put down Middlemarch and pick up a supermarket glossy. How. Dare. You. Anthropologie. You can be such a belittling shit from time to time. Why would I prefer US Weekly or OK! to Middlemarch or any other novel out there. I get the whole “guilty pleasure” thing, but its just such a douchebag thing to encourage.
8) (Saving the best for last…) Forget the stove, all you need is a pint of gelato and a spoon and dinner is complete! I can’t. I just can’t. After all the horrid things that came before…and now this?! This whole list is bloated with dated Cathy stereotypes and poor-me visions of single women on this commercial holiday. For a company who allegedly caters to successful women with a feminine sensibility and a penchant for florals and lace and ruffles, this seems like quite a slap in the face. I feel like I just took a time machine back and landed in Stepford hell.
What says you, dear FYA readers? Do you think this is cute and funny or fucking appalling?
(I’m going to go back to my happy place…See: Dowager Countess and puppies.)
-JH
Anyone seen waffles? We can’t find him.
Anyone else feel like this today?
#hiding
-JH
Let it be known that Alie totes wants one of these for Christmukkah.
(Edited to add: click this link to order, y’alls — http://bit.ly/t4sKpC)
(via katherinespiers)
December Cattie…Where’s Winter?
Well FYA readers, you just never know when someone might turn over a new leaf and surprise the shit out of you. Today, friends, is that very day! Flipping through Anthro’s December catalog, I was scanning for a Round Two of absurdities a la the November debacle (read: $2200 rickshaw and $2000 for 5 books) and honestly…the best thing I could come up with were these candlesticks:
(via Anthropologie.com)
Description: An assortment of found knickknacks - including an antique porcelain owl and filigreed tin - stack tall to form Primitive Twig’s taper holder. The decorative elements vary from piece to piece; no two are alike. $398.
They’re pretty ugly and definitely not worth $398, but they’re no $2000 rickshaw. Truth be told, the December catalog felt really lazy. The styling seemed stale and boring and it was just kind of a snore.
I was surprised by two things…first being that overall, the catalog was slightly reasonable in price, SLIGHTLY. Second, being that I figured the December catalog would feature more festive holiday wares and baubles and spreads and there are literally NONE. It didn’t even seem particularly wintry. I’m not sure what it’s about, but I don’t like it.
Wah wah.
-JH
Halloween 2012…Too Soon?
(via Nasty Gal)
I mean, it’s called ‘Vivian’…Hello costume! Never for real life!
Am I right ladies or am I right? The only time to wear this clearly Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman dress would be for Halloween. Unless you’re a hooker, in which case, it would totes be in fashion, because the early 90s are back with a crushed-velvet vengeance. That white and blue combo really is the jam, though.
The real question is who’s gonna be Kit?! REG BEV WIL.
-JH
Apartment Therapy: We <3 You
Behold FYA readers! Outfit to Home: The Ryan Gosling Edition! We’d like to take him and his outfits home…Sigh.
(All images via Apartment Therapy)
SO. Because I’ve slept in that last bed at the Ace Hotel in Portland, does that mean I’ve also slept with Ryan Gosling? ………. No? Shucks.
Check out all the images here.
The Gos love continues!
-JH
Suri’s Burn Book
SBB has had me laughing all day.
-JH
I’m onto you, Honor Warren. I think lately she’s been calculating photo-ops to make herself appear aggressively fearless in the press. I mean, taking out a pinata at the ankles while wearing fashionable mid-calf boots? This girl is clearly challenging me.
The cut-off jean shorts are the only signal that she’s not a real adversary … yet. But I’m keeping my eye on you.
The November Cattie is Just Too Much!
(Via Anthropologie)
(Via Anthropologie)
This November catalog is seriously on a roll. What with those “rare” books and now this? What do you think dear readers? Would you buy a $2200 rickshaw? PARDON…$2500 with shipping.
**On a side note…I do have to say that while this rickshaw biz is clearly kookoobonkers, I DO like those electric blue silk palazzo pants on that ethnically-ambiguous model up top. Just sayin’! Hello Christmas, my old friend!
Check out the post about this “Limited Edition Rickshaw” on Jezebel.
Thanks for the awesome tip Cat!
-JH
