Fuck You Anthropologie

Who wears short shorts?

Catalog Descriptions:

1. Joe’s Carpenter Shorts - Got a summer outfit fixer-upper? DIY with this utili-cute, cuffed denim pair. Price: $134.

2. AG Malibu Crops - A rolled, above-the-knee counterpart to your favorite softly weathered blues. Price: $138.

3. AG Pixie Shorts - Denim cut-offs, with plenty of worn-in fading and distressing, sport an extra-short silhouette. Price: $138.

4. 7 For All Mankind Honolulu Shorts - Weathered and whiskered in all the right places, this pair is proof that you take your relaxing seriously. Price: $148.

Denim shorts=super summer staple, yes? Yes. But what the shit, Anthropologie? Your four most expensive shorts are all denim and all over $130! I would ask “Why!?” but really, we all know the answer to this question … the lust for the denim label. Joe’s, AG, 7 … I think we’re all too familiar with these overpriced names. Denim labels kill me dead.

Denim is a principle part of our wardrobes and will certainly continue to be, that is fact. But what baffles me is how one day, someone took a huge rip off the “Fuck You Consumers” bong and decided, in their money induced haze, that it would be acceptable to charge over $200 for a pair of jeans (the long ones, I’ll get back to these shorts in a sec). And what’s worse, is that we, as consumers, buy into it. We do. I mean, someone is buying these overpriced jeans, which is why they’re still haunting racks and e-commerce shopping carts the world over. We should ostrich in shame, people.

So, back to these shorts.

Shorts. I don’t know about y’all, but shorts scare the shit out of me. Generally, unless you’re built like Gisele, shorts are like sausage casings that let all the bad bits ooze out in all the wrong places. And yet, somehow they’re having a comeback that’s almost as amazing as Mickey Rourke’s. But, I digress. The question I have for Anthropologie is this: What makes these shorts so much better than say … these other shorts that you also sell?

Oh, right! That little label! Duh! I totally forgot that that little label totally doubles the price! How stupid of me. *Insert eyerolls and nostril flares.*

All I know is this. Screw spending $148 on some shorts that I can create myself with an old pair of Levi’s and a set of Fiskars. That’s DIY, Anthropologie. Check it.

-JH